Older Women Make Better Lovers, Don't They?
* An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?"
* An older woman doesn't care what you think.
* An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.
* An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar.
* Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.
* An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.
* Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are a jerk if you're acting like one.
* A young woman will say nothing, fearing you might get mad and break up with her.
* An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
* An older woman will never get pregnant, then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know.
* Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.
* Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever by the phone for you to call.
* An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody whom they might have sex with later.
* Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut take out.
* Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
* Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a striptease.
* Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
* Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
* Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a guy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.